47 Years Ago...

I'm not sure how many years ago I started this blog -  but it was in honor of my mother, who translated (another term for died - in my religion, we are Soul and we live on after we leave this physical body behind - translate to another place)... so she translated 47 years ago today... and I know she's been with me ever since (even before I found my religion with this belief, I knew she never really left me).

Let's see if my memory serves me, I think I started this blog on the 40th anniversary of her being gone.  I just looked... yes, seven years ago.

It's hard to believe it was that long ago... sure my physical self misses the physical being of my mother even after all these years. In six years, she'll have been gone as long as she was alive - she had just turned 53 when she translated. Just a few weeks ago, had she been alive in this physical body, it would've been her 100th birthday!  If she were alive, I would celebrate with... (who wants to guess?)

Come back tomorrow when I talk about pi - e.

To see my first post about my mom, go here.

Fifth and Forty-Fifth Anniversary

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It is the 5th anniversary of my blog! Can you believe it? I remember when I first posted, dedicating this blog to my mother on the 40th anniversary of her death. I blogged daily! Now I'm lucky to blog monthly. I'm not sure what happened... life got super-dooper busy.

Did I mention Mom died on a Friday the 13th and today is Friday the 13th – the 45th anniversary of her death?

I suppose it can be kind of strange to celebrate the anniversary of someone’s death, but her death did so much for me in so many ways. Writing to her, the way I started this blog, helped me to get out of my shell and expose myself as a writer. I remember how petrified I was. With that came publication. And joining a critique group. That was even more petrifying. However, friendships have formed and I just LOVE those gals! They've been the best thing for my writing soul. And then I thought I might be performing my story about my mother, for Listen To Your Mother, but I didn't make it. And it's really okay. I've been to the first two shows and they were fabulous. I am going to this year's show, which will take place Saturday, May 9th. There are two shows—tickets on sale now. You might want to check it out.

Each step has brought me to another step to another part of my life that I’m incredibly grateful for…

So Mom, although you’ve been gone for 45 years now, thank you for all that you have done and continue to do as you journey on.

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And if you’d like, take a look at my first blog post five years ago!

Happy Anniversary Ruth & Bud

I’m not one hundred percent sure, but I think this is Ruth and Bud’s 15^th Anniversary. It was about 17 years ago that my best friend (Bud’s sister) and myself (Ruth’s sister) played match-maker and thought those two might make a compatible couple. They had gone to grade school together, so it wasn’t like they were complete strangers to one another. Ruth had lost her husband to cancer, while Bud was divorced. They both seemed to be in a place where companionship would do them good. And our match-making proved correct. My best friend and I both have the same nephew – compliments of Ruth and Bud!

Hope you guys have a great day!

food for thought: Have you ever played match-maker? Did it work?

Happy Anniversary Sue and Frank!

Okay, I forgot how many, many years since your wedding day. Over 40. Hard to believe it’s been that long. You can read an old post that has a picture of your special day. (And now that I reviewed the post, this is your 45th? Really?)


It was a rainy day that day… so here’s a perfect sketch for you.

Just so you know, there are 45 little hearts in that puddle of water... one for each year of love.

food for thought: Can you remember the weather of a special occasion? And why?

Anniversary & Advice

Dear Mom,

I could have used the piece of advice that Suzanne shared with me the other night when I was getting ready for the Camp Wyman Gala.

As always, I let doubts and insecurities slip in while getting ready, when I know darn well it makes no difference AT ALL, really. So Suzanne said, “Here’s a piece of advice Mom told me when I was a teenager fussing around preparing for a date. ‘Suzanne, get ready the best you can, then forget about it, and focus on everyone else.’”

Such words of wisdom. How many times could those words have saved me from useless worry and anxiety?

I can apply this advice in many areas, not just getting ready for an event. Whenever I’m muddled in my own self-delusions of pity or pain, I have a choice to redirect that and focus on someone else. I will remind myself of this when I slip into that black hole, to remember: I have a choice. What do I want to pay attention to?

Today, I’m paying attention to you. On the anniversary of your death 43 years ago, and the anniversary of this blog, 3 years ago.

Mothers never leave us.

Two Anniversaries

Dear Mom,

Today is the second year anniversary of the start of this blog to you. It is also the 42nd anniversary of your death. I started this blog on the 40th anniversary - Forty Years Ago Today.

It's hard to believe that two years have passed since I started writing this blog to you. I can remember being afraid to start, but then when I thought of you, all fear disappeared. Sometimes that's all it takes to push fear aside and go right through it. Just look what I've accomplished by not letting fear take hold.

If we could sit and chat, I'd ask you - "What were you afraid of, that you did anyway? What were the results? Was it worth moving through the fear?"

There's the old expression, "Where there's love, there is no fear." I guess that's a good thing to always remember. Because what's better than love?

Loving you on this day, and every day.

Chicken Soup for the Soul, The Christmas Pageant, Birthday, Anniversary, St. Louis Reflections

Dear Mom,

The holidays are a busy time of the year anyway, but then I added a few extra things into the mix. Saturday I went to old St. Charles (Main Street Books) to support a few writer friends who have stories published in Chicken Soup for the Soul books... as part of their book signing event, if you brought a canned good, you received 20% off your entire book purchase. The canned goods went to the food pantry, so the event was more than just supporting my friends. I also had the pleasure of seeing a few other writer buddies, Sioux and Dianna.

Chicken Soup for the Soul
Here are the lovely women from left to right, Cathi, Tammy, Linda, and Theresa:

Later that same day, Norm and I had a Christmas party to go to. The next day, we had another Christmas party to attend and followed that with a party at our house to celebrate my grade school friend's movie that he wrote...

The Christmas Pageant
There it is, Mark's name on the screen: Written by Mark Valenti

First we all ate:

Then we were all being silly acting as if the movie put us to sleep:

We're all really proud of Mark and had a great time celebrating his success.

Monday I visited with another friend, and finally did some Christmas shopping. I seriously don't know how some people are finished AND have it all wrapped at this point.

Tuesday I decided to take it easy, after all--I'm another year older. One year older than you when you died. Seems odd as I remember you as being old. I guess since I was 12 and you were 53, it'd make sense that I'd think you were old. Just like the grandkids think I'm old. There are days when I feel old, but for the most part I feel like I did when I was in my 20s. Is that weird? Then I look into the mirror...

Not only did I celebrate my birthday, but it's Norm's birthday. We're exactly 10 years apart. Him being older. Some may think otherwise... speaking of old. And we got married on our birthdays. Nine years. Definitely a record. Technically this year Norm is tied with all of my other (three) marriages added together. The little stinker sent me a dozen roses.

And check out his creative wording on the card...

We celebrated by having dinner and then I had to drag him to another book launch/reading/signing for St. Louis Reflections. It was the launch party for another anthology by St. Louis Writers Guild members. The books weren't ready, but the party went on.

St. Louis Writers Guild President, Brad Cook started things off explaining the history of the guild. He's also the historian of the guild and has done an exceptional job at that!

Here I am reading my story "Hendel's Market".

I had a few props with me: a picture of Hendel's that hubby made for me, along with a jar of penny candy (not really a penny any more) but I talked about the candy in my story. Sugar Shack, where I purchased the candy for the book launch, was sweet enough to give me some wooden quarters to pass out at the event--good for 25 cents worth of candy in the store.

In my story I mentioned one thing my little sister and I would do is pretend to give one another communion with the flying saucer candies, and here's my daughter giving communion to my two sisters after she heard my story.

It really was a lovely event and I felt honored to be among special writers and part of the anthology. I'd like to thank everyone who ventured out, and for those who made the event possible.

Linda Austin wrote a nice article about event, A Gathering of Writers and Memories of St. Louis.

And if you're interested in ordering a copy of St. Louis Reflections, visit StLBooks.com and they're only $9.99!

One Year and 41st Anniversary

Dear Mom,

It was a year ago today that I started this blog. Take a look at Forty Years Ago Today. Now another year has passed and it’s 41 years ago that I felt stunned by the news although I knew it was coming unlike Ruthie.

In the middle of the night before you died, Ruthie and I were carried over to Aunt Tish and Uncle Mart’s house.

I had written s a little piece about that morning, then Ruthie and I talked about it. Our versions are different of course. Don’t we all have different versions of the same incident? I told her I don’t remember crying. She told me that she remembers me bawling my eyes out while in our aunt and uncle's house after Dad came in, while she stood watching me, trying to figure out why I was crying so hard. She thought she had better cry too and faked it. She was in total shock not having a clue as to what had happened. Ruthie not knowing makes me feel so sad.

Maurine, my Mother-in-Law

Dear Mom,

Yesterday was the anniversary date of Norm’s mom’s death—it’s been six years. It doesn’t seem that long and yet it seems a lot longer too.

Six years ago on New Years eve, Norm and I walked out of the emergency room after they finally admitted Maurine. A few weeks later we were told she had lymphoma. The doctor gave her two weeks to live. Hospice was mentioned. When we left the hospital that night, Norm and I talked about bringing her home (to our house). I volunteered to take care of her.

And so I did… take care of Maurine. I cooked whatever she wanted to eat; sometimes I’d feed her. I borrowed my sister’s baby intercoms and set them up so that I would hear Maurine through the night. I slept in spurts. Anytime Maurine moved or moaned, I jolted awake, just like I did as a new mother when my babies fussed. I slept better as a new mother.

As Maurine’s condition worsened, I would squeeze morphine into the sides of her cheeks. She’d crumple up her face saying, “Yuck, that’s awful.” But we both knew it’d make her comfortable.

A friend who’s also a paramedic helped with bathing her, which was a Godsend for me. I did remove her dentures and brushed her false teeth which probably grossed me out more than anything I’ve yet to experience. But I really didn’t mind. I wasn’t the one helpless in bed… dying.

One morning Maurine told me of the lovely, beautiful places she had traveled in her dreams. How happy it made her feel. By the smile on her face and the dreamy look in her eyes, I had no doubt she’d experienced the “other side” and that she’d be in God’s hands soon.

Maurine hadn’t been conscious for days and on the day of her passing her breathing was much more labored. I watched closely and when I felt it wasn’t going to be much longer, I phoned Norm at work and told him to come home.

I whispered in Maurine’s ear, “Hang on, Norm’s on his way.” He was there within minutes. Once he stepped into the bedroom he held her hand and she breathed in her last breath.

Maurine hung on until her youngest son’s birthday (Norm’s only brother—Dale). Through teary eyes Dale quipped, “You always did have to have the last say.” The two of them always butted heads—usually in a fun way, but they definitely loved one another.

I’m blessed to have had the opportunity to care for my mother-in-law in her final weeks, days, hours—up until her last breath. I was better for it and honored she allowed me to.

Mom, if I had been able to care for you, I hope you know…

Birthday Blessings

Dear Mom,

I do believe I’m overwhelmed by all the sweet things that loved ones have done for me for my birthday. It started a week before my birthday when my “other mom” Elsie (that I wrote about when I wished my best friend a happy birthday) came over with a gift. About 20 plus years ago, I had started on this little quilt. Recently I found it and decided that I was never going to do anything with it and gave it to Susan to give to her mom who quilts. Some of the pieces of material came from Elsie’s mother and it seemed appropriate to give it to her. It just needed a back and to be quilted. I had already appliquéd the hearts on the squares. Now that little stinker finished it and gave it back to me—for my birthday.

The next day I met a dear friend who gave me a cookbook (The Route 66 St. Louis Cookbook by Norma Maret Bolin) and some beautiful stationary. In the cookbook is a gooey butter recipe that I’m anxious to try to see if it’s as good as mine ☺. Nothing like bragging, but somebody has to do it.

Sunday my little sister Ruthie drove on the snowy highway and delivered a homemade birthday/anniversary cake for Norm and me. OMG, it was so delicious that it is now my favorite kind of cake—Spiced Chocolate Torte wrapped in Chocolate Ribbon. She told me it came from the December 1984 Bon Appétit magazine. The cake has 42 ounces of chocolate in that baby—what’s not to love?

My daughter Rita knitted a lovely scarf—not the kind that keeps you warm as she has knitted me several of those. This one is to class up my looks! My stepdaughter Robyn created an owl necklace that’s absolutely beautiful—it goes along with my new role as Mother Owl. My granddaughter Logan wrote the sweetest note and letter to me.

Norm and I decided not to give each other anything—there’s nothing neither of us need. However we decided I would purchase the goods that are needed to go with a book that my sister Ruthie gave me some time ago (Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day by Jeff Hertzberg, M.D. and Zoë François). Anyone who loves homemade bread will love this. It doesn’t fit in the “trying to lose weight” category, but better for you if you’re going to eat bread, in my opinion.

Then there were many birthday wishes via email and Facebook. Real birthday cards were sent my way and phone calls all throughout the day. Such overwhelming love —who could ask for more?

Happy Birthday! Happy Anniversary!

Dear Mom,

You gave birth to me 53 years ago—on Friday, the 13th. You had mentioned more than once that you had appendicitis while in labor and we both came close to not making it. You were 40.

My husband, Norm’s mother gave birth to him 63 years ago—on Saturday, the 13th. No mishaps with her labor. She was 19.

Eight years ago, when Norm and I finally tied the knot after having been together nearly the same amount of time, we decided to celebrate that occasion on our birthdays. As we grow old together, there won’t be any confusion ☺ remembering the date.

I tease Norm that when we hit our 10th anniversary that it will be a record for me—I’ll have been married to him longer than all three of my previous marriages combined! He’s already broken the record strictly for the longest, period.

Norm likes teasing me too—and modified this comic strip depicting me with my girlfriend.

There was a time when I didn’t think we’d make it. I wondered what was wrong with me and that maybe I wasn’t the marrying type. Turns out I didn’t have the right one—someone who wanted it to work too! Every day I give thanks for I am blessed to have the best little stinker. And the decorative pillow that Norm gave me one year sums it up for me as well… “If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.” Winnie-the-Pooh

Happy Birthday and Happy Anniversary Norm!

Happy Anniversary Ruthie & Bud

Dear Mom,

It’s Ruthie’s wedding anniversary. I don’t remember how long she and Bud have been married, but it’s the second marriage for both of them. Ruthie lost her first husband to cancer. Bud’s to divorce. They say divorce is like the same trauma as a death, but I would have to think death is more so. I never lost any husbands to death, although there were times I wanted to kill them. No disrespect intended, and of course, I never would. Just an expression.

Death has more of a closure. Whereas divorce—depending on the situation—can be more like an opened wound. That’s my opinion anyway and I’ve been through enough to have some experience.

Ruthie is married to my best friend’s brother. I wondered if they would hit it off and I mentioned it to Ms. Matchmaker who ran with that thought and there you are. Some matches do make it—the fire always burning.

I think it’s interesting how couples meet and I don’t think I know the story of how you and Dad met.

Here’s to Ruthie & Bud—may the fire of your love always warm your heart.

My Dad—Yet Another Anniversary

Dear Mom,

I don’t mean for this blog to be about all the deaths in the family, but it appears most of them happened in March. Coincidence?

Dad was married to you for over 25 years, and then to Clara for over 25 years. I’m on my fourth marriage. I know I could make it with Norm for 25 years if I live long enough, but adding all the marriages together—I’m still only at 16. I take the razzing well, especially from Norm. He seems to have some smart comment when the subject comes up. I believe you two would have liked each other.

Here is one of my favorite pictures of you and Dad, probably before children.



In honor of Edmund Theordore Moellering
July 20, 1912 – March 30, 2002

Here is a picture of the two of you taken at the same time I posted the first picture of you.

My StepMom Clara - Another Anniversary

Dear Mom,

Dad remarried about a year and a half after your death. I was surprised to learn much later that Clara was your cousin, and in your younger years, a dear, close friend. I love this picture of the two of you, and it’s kind of weird—my mom and stepmom. Who would have thought? I don’t know the date of this photo and I wondered about the fashion—you in a long coat and Clara in a short style.


It was a difficult period of time, all of us adjusting. For a while I didn’t do so well and held a lot of resentment. I learned a great deal. That in itself makes it all worth the pain I went through. It taught me how to be a better mother and stepmother—a skill I had no idea I would need. At times I fail miserably at being both mother/stepmother.

I’m glad I was able to repair any damage from those days, and before Clara's passing. For all the grief I had caused her, my dad told me she liked me best (sorry di-di’s), but then again, maybe my dad was delirious.

Today is the anniversary of her passing: Clara (Burke) Krueger Moellering.

Maybe you both are having fun together again.