Break My Heart Again

Dear Mom,

Wow, never knew it could be so rough sometimes being a mother. My baby called me and at first was really happy telling me about a surprise she was anticipating by her honey. A few minutes later she informs me she has some bad news. I thought the phone was cutting out. “Hello?”
“I’m still here.”
“What’s your bad news?”
Silence.
“Hello? Are you there?”
“Yeah, I’m still here.”
And then I thought I heard sobbing.
“Are you crying?”
Sniffles, “Yeah.”
“Oh my God, what’s wrong?” I was expecting her to tell me that she got fired or something. Just listening to her sob brought tears to my eyes. When she told me a dear friend of hers was dying, I had to choke back my own tears—to help her. She’s experienced death of grandparents and relatives. Although painful, you expect your grandparents to move onto another life. With others, not so much. When it’s unexpected, it seems to tear at the heart a little more, I guess.

We talked about death, the advantages and disadvantages of knowing or not knowing. One way can be just as painful as the other. It was odd that I had just journaled about wishing I could have said something meaningful to you before you died. But the truth of the matter came out—I had wished you had said something meaningful to me. Some words of wisdom that could be tucked away for moments like this.