Sunday, May 23, 2010

Didn't Sprint

Dear Mom,

I have completed the cleanse and didn’t sprint out of bed after the seventh day, so I’m really disappointed. Didn’t need to sprint to the bathroom either. I became constipated. Go figure. Eating soup that was all vegetables and mostly everything else I consumed was fruits and vegetables, I don’t understand what the hold up was. I ate some (organic, no hormone) beef at the end. I drank tons and tons of water. Now you tell me, how does that make you constipated?

When we were little you would give Ruthie and me these little chocolate crumbs after dinner. Not the brightest bulbs in the package, we’d gobble them up and want more. You’d tell us, “No, you can only have one spoonful.” Later when we learned the chocolate crumbs were to help us with our bowel movements, we didn’t want to gobble them up so much after that. Can you mess up someone’s system in their early years?

Norm says it’s a women’s disease. If he ate what I had all week, he’d still be in the bathroom. He may never have left the bathroom. As for me, my tummy looks like it’s ready to give birth—to a poop baby—a term my daughter’s friend called it when she was constipated.

Wonder whether it will be a boy or a girl. I’m hoping for octuplets, but I’ll settle for twins.


  1. You are so darned funny! No matter how hard I try to make things work like clock work, the timing is off by days! Yeah, Norm is right; it's a girl thing. We have more organs inside that droop and drop and probably get tangled with our bowels. Happy Pooping.

  2. I concur most heartily. As if we women don't have it tough enough. *sigh* Try Miralax. It works wonders.


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